Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Tuscarora Sunrise: June 21, 2011

Tuscarora Sunrise
June 21, 2011

The phone rang.  "Go look out your window."  I recognized Linda's voice.

"What time is it?" I said, fumbling with the curtain, then opening the french door onto the deck.

"Is the sun up yet?"

"Well, it's pretty bright out.  I'm going to have to go out in the yard to get a good look."  I knew what she was talking about.  I kicked on some shoes, hurried out the door into the yard, and saw the sun entirely up and over the Independence Mountains, over Milt's trailer.  "Damn!" I told her.  "It's completely up."

"Not here.  Not yet," she said.  Linda lives four miles away, down on the valley floor.  "I'm going outside to take a picture.  Goodbye."

"Hey, thanks for calling," I said as I heard the phone click.  So, thanks to my childhood friend, there I was at 5:30, standing in the yard in my pajamas, surrounded by a glorious morning.   The lilacs, the sagebrush, the noxious whitetop in full bloom, all glazed by golden light and the promise of summer.

Hallelujah!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Crossing Over, Looking Down

Crossing Over,  Looking Down

"In me thou seest the twilight of such day/ As after sunset fadeth in the west"
Wm. Shakespeare Sonnet 73 

Every time we drive across Big River Bridge my ninety-five year old mother looks out the window, down at the beach, glances seaward, and says, "I'm always surprised how small people look."  She pauses and then continues, "It really puts things in perspective."  She smiles at me, acknowledging the double entendre.

Usually, I nod and say, "Yes it does."  If I'm tired and cranky, I say, "You've already told me that."  It doesn't faze her.  Whether we're coming back from errands in Fort Bragg or lunch in Mendocino, she makes the same remarks.  She is trying to tell me something about old age and  death.  I haven't been listening.

It is the diminishment of her self that she sees in the tiny figures walking on the sand.  Old age is doing that to her, making her feel small.  When she alludes to perspective, to a human being set against sea and sky, she is telling me she knows she is close to the vanishing point and that it is okay.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Phyrric Victory

Pyrrhic Victory

I won.  My mother  tired of fighting with me. That July afternoon I saw her coming down the dirt road towards the stables at the fairgrounds in our  black three-holed Buick. “I’m in for it,” I said to my best friend, Karen.    We were in seventh grade, skeptical of boys and crazy about horses.  My mother didn’t yell or scold.  She told me to leave my bike and get in the car, it was time for my piano lesson, and no, I couldn’t  go home to change clothes.  Not until I was seated at the grand piano next to Mrs. Watts did I feel the dust on my shirt and smell the horse sweat on my jeans. 

It’s curious that after more than half a century I remember the name, “Madame Schumann-Heink,” and that my piano teacher, Mrs. Watts, had been her accompanist.  I recently googled Ernestine Schumann-Heink (1861-1936).  According to Wikipedia, she had quite a career: operatic debut in Dresden as Azucena in Il trovatore and final performance at the Met in 1931, belting out Wagner at age seventy-one.  Wiki notes, “In the movies of the 1930’s, many a buxom opera singer/instructor/matron was modeled on her.”

I have no idea how  Marie Watts, her accompanist, ended up in our cow town  in the l950’s, married to Mr. Watts, a building contractor.  Their house, modern for the time and for Elko, Nevada, was built on a hillside, a  series of three flat roofs.   The piano studio rested on the bottom floor, cool and dark in the summer.

Mrs. Watts started me with two instruction books, one of scales, boring and intimidating.  The other, “First Lessons in Bach,” might as well have been “First Lessons in Greek.”   My  encounter with  an exceptional pianist lasted six months and I never advanced more than halfway through the beginner’s book.  I was in one recital, playing a piece called, “The Bells,” which seemed to be pressing with feeling on the g key with the fourth finger of my right hand.   What little practicing I did was fear-based.  I hated the thought of sitting at the piano bench, refined and patient Mrs. Watts by my side, and me, a terrible student.  My mother was not one to threaten or cajole me into practicing.  She bought a metronome and sometimes I didn’t mind sitting at the piano with that steady tock, tock as I played scales.  I think that my mother let me quit because she was tired of dragging a truculent, dusty young girl to a piano lesson.

Other girls my age started taking piano lessons about the same time, but they went to Mrs. Clark, a flamboyant little lady who taught girls  to play sentimental popular tunes on sheet music and watered-down classics.  By high school, my friend Gail, who stayed with Mrs. Clark, could play the “Moonlight Sonata,” at a high school  assembly. The boys were impressed by her athletic prowess, stretched fingers pounding chords up and down the keyboard, crossing the left hand over the right and back.  Another friend, oldest daughter of the town’s favorite doctor, could play Bach or Beethoven on the violin, an incredible social liability.  The brazen boys would put their fingers in their ears and make pained faces.

I know there is no point in dwelling on missed opportunities., but I wish I hadn’t won.  I remember a quote from a character in The American by Henry James:  “I have the instincts—have them deeply—if I haven’t the forms of a high old civilization.”   I did, eventually, want to become a cultured person, well-read, educated, and familiar with the arts. 

In a few months I will be seventy years old.  Lately, I have been listening to a cd  of Wanda Landowska playing Bach on the harpsichord, “The Well-Tempered Clavier, Book One.”  On the internet I found the name of my  piano book with the ochre cover and serious lettering:  “Beginning Bach,” from Schirmer’s Library of Musical Classics, listed as a “collectible” on Amazon.com.

 I’m having trouble figuring out what to do with the rest of my life.  Thinking about Madame Schumann-Heink and Mrs. Watts and twelve-year-old me, I have had a strong urge to buy a digital piano.  I would order “Beginning Bach,” books one and two.  I would practice every day.  I could find a piano teacher at the local community college.  By  the time I’m eighty, I could be quite accomplished.  Is it too late?











Sunday, May 22, 2011

Second Runner-Up

Second Runner-Up

When I tell about being second runner up to the Wells Rodeo queen the summer of 1958, I  make sure the listener knows the population of Wells, Nevada—about a thousand—and that there were only eighty-four kids in the high school.  I frame the story to make fun of myself—wearing my mother’s hand-me-downs, and she was no cowgirl.   I remember her felt cowboy hat, a telescope crown with a wide, rolled brim and chin straps; her red suede jacket with its matronly cut, my own five button levis,  her brown cowboy  boots.

“I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy,” the old song goes.  It holds true for cowgirls, too.  I’m sure the girl who won wore a cowboy hat with a tall crown, a white cowboy shirt with pearl snap buttons, tight levis that emphasized her big butt and well-developed quads,  a leather belt with her name tooled on the back, probably from Capriola’s in Elko; and her own boots.

My loyal boyfriend was angry with the outcome, me being second runner up.  He said   I should have  won.  “I was the best looking,” he asserted and then muttered some comparison between the queen and a mud fence. High school love is blind.  The first runner-up was a lovely, dark-haired girl  who was raised on a small ranch in Starr Valley but looked uncomfortable on a horse.   “You sure as heck had the best horse,” my boyfriend said. 

   Although I appreciated his  indignation, I knew  the judges were right.  The girl who won should have won.  She was the real deal.  I was part town girl, part ranch girl.  She came from a family that had ranched in the area for at least fifty years.  I had been in the area since September. .  The previous fall, after my sophomore year in Elko,  our family had moved  to the Marble Ranch headquarters at Deeth, halfway between Elko and Wells.  This was to make life easier for my dad, who was managing the whole operation: seven ranches with about sixty-five thousand deeded acres and about sixty-five hundred mother cows.  Dad was the real deal, no doubt about that.

I did have the best horse, a thorobred cross lent to me by the cow boss,  Jim Dorrance.  I remember practicing in the corral at the ranch, loping in graceful figure eights on this beautifully trained sorrel gelding at least  fourteen  hands high;  galloping to the far end of the corral, reining to a dramatic halt, then backing up.  I’m not sure I practiced getting on and off.  I should have.

The night before the contest it rained hard and the rodeo grounds were thick with a sticky mud.  Part of the procedure after showing my horse,  was to dismount, go to the announcer’s stand, say a few words, remount, and gallop out of the arena.   The cinch was a little loose after working the horse and I can still feel the  tight grip of my left hand on reins and mane and my fear that the saddle would slip.   I still wince, thinking of me in that frumpy getup with mud-caked boots  hoisting myself back on that tall horse and getting the hell out of there.

What was I thinking?  What was sixteen year old Nancy Harris thinking when she agreed to run for  Wells Rodeo queen?   I was flattered to be asked.  I can’t remember who sponsored me.  For all I know, it was some local business that wanted to ingratiate themselves with the Marble Ranches. 

At the time, I thought, “Me?  Someone sees me as a  rodeo queen?”  No way I would say no.  And it was fun.    I remember that we girls were driven to Twin Falls and  interviewed on television.  Television!

If Jim Dorrance lent me a horse for the competition, Jack Walther, gave me a joke for my  tv debut.  A shy bachelor with a gentle sense of humor, Jack also worked for the Marble outfit.   Now well in his eighties, Jack  is much loved at Cowboy Poetry in Elko for his comic verse.   With a twinkle in his eye,  young Jack prompted  me to have the interviewer ask me the name of my horse.  I was to answer, “Mignon.  Because she’s a little fee lay.”  Yep.  I really said that on tv in Twin Falls, Idaho in 1958.  Which was pretty darn sophisticated, since I didn’t know a filet from a rib eye.  A steak was a steak.  It was cooked well done.   However, I felt  no qualms about changing the sex of  Jim Dorrance’s  gelding to “fee-lay” for the sake of a joke.      

Besides being on tv in Twin Falls,  we rode our horses in the parade right down the main street of Wells, which also happened to be Highway 40.  I did know how to sit tall in a saddle. I was riding a fine horse.  The band played.  We waved to our friends on the sidewalk.  Of course, it was fun.

I do remember who  sponsored me to run for Miss Elko County the summer after my freshman year in college.  The Standard station on Idaho Street.  The best gas station in Elko, mind you.   Again, it was a matter of being asked.  If the  guys at the Standard station saw me as Miss Elko County material, I wasn’t going to argue.

 “Wince” goes to “ cringe” of thinking of that experience.   I didn’t come close to fitting the  beauty queen image and I did not win, place, or show.   Furthermore, it was not fun.   A couple of weeks before the contest, we did a photo shoot crammed in a boat in some duck pond east of Elko.  The girl next to me in the aluminum  rowboat seemed a sure bet to win. Going into her a senior year at Elko High, the  beautiful Italian girl  was in a sullen mood that morning, and the photographer from the Elko Daily Free Press standing on the bank  kept yelling at her to smile.  A week later   she dropped out of the contest,  dropped out of high school, and married the acne-faced boy who had knocked her up.

 I don’t remember much of the contest except how much I hated walking across the stage in a bathing suit and high heels. My loyal college boyfriend, who had driven to Elko to show his support,  left the high school auditorium halfway through the event and waited in his Nash Rambler, probably reading Kierkegard.  He later explained that he couldn’t understand why I was putting myself through such a meaningless ritual.   He was minoring in  anthropology.

   The girl who won should have won.  Her name was Nanci  spelled with an ‘i.”  She   had a bosom and a narrow waist.  I remember how cute she looked in a circle skirt with a cinch belt, let alone a bathing suit.

What was I thinking?  Why did  Nancy with a “y” Harris  run for Miss Elko County? Because I was asked.    Remember?  In those days, we waited to be asked.  Maybe I thought that competing would make a woman out of me, or I would be recognized as a woman. Beauty pageant as boot camp.

I understand that the beauty pageant industry has been exposed many times over since those days, and right now many young mothers are concerned with this whole princess madness marketed by the Disney corporation.  But I have to confess that Miss Congeniality is one of my favorite movies, where Sandra Bullock goes from klutz to gorgeous plus action heroine, deposing the mean ex-queen, saving all the other girls—and getting a second look from  Benjamin Bratt, a prince of a guy.  We yearn for transformation and recognition.

A number of years ago, I was  visiting my folks at their small ranch on Thorpe Creek in Lamoille.  I was probably in my early thirties, married with two kids.  I had saddled up one of their horses and gone for a long ride on a beautiful summer day.  Afterward, my dad came out to the barn to help me unsaddle and put the horse away and he said with an admiration that was a little unusual, given  his reserved manner, “You could be a cover girl.”  I beamed.   He continued,  “for one of those catalogs like L.L. Bean.”    I laughed.  LL Bean was not Silver Screen but we take what we can get.  Even if it’s second runner up.










Monday, February 7, 2011

Tuscarora Journal: A Reminiscence "James Sends a Poem"

Sometime in 1996, James sent me this poem by Seamus Heaney with the handwritten message, "Here's the Adobe House mantra."

                Lightenings

Roof it again.  Batten down.  Dig in.
Drink out of tin.  Know the scullery cold,
A latch, a door-bar, forged tongs and a grate.

Touch the cross-beam, drive iron in a wall,
Hang a line to verify the plumb
From lintel, coping-stone and chimney-breast.

Relocate the bedrock in the threshold.
Take squarings from the recessed gable pane.
Make your study the unregarded floor.

Sink every impulse like a bolt.  Secure
the bastion of sensation.  Do not waver
Into language.  Do not waver in it.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Tuscarora Journal: A Reminiscence "Second Artists' Week, August 1995"

Second Artists' Week, August 1995
Nancy and Rosemary

           "By Any Other Name..."

I started the day by sitting on the flat circle of gravel, a clearing in the midst of dried grass, weeds, and sagebrush about twenty feet from the trucks.  You could call it a meditation spot, but I prefer not to.  I stood up and went over to look at the old gray truck with a weathered stock rack and "Kenect, McGill, 129" in faded black stencil on the door of the driver's side.  Its sidekick is the faded red-to-gray Chevy flat bed.  Next to the wire fence is a jaunty green Willy's .

I'm not into meditation and I don't believe in personifying inanimate objects.  However--when I bring a cup of coffee out here and sit in the morning sun letting my mind wander--I guess that would be meditation if I relinquished the pleasure of random thoughts.  And--if those two trucks and that jeep could talk, I know they'd have stories to tell.  How did they get here?